Pyscho Kickboxer/Canvas of Blood
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Psycho does not begin to describe this movie. This movie took psycho, and cranked the dial up to 11. Basically, a former kickboxing champion wanted to be an action star like Jean Claude Van Damme, or Steven Seagal. Unfortunately unlike the two names mentioned, this so called kickboxer has no talent and no charisma. He really shouldn't get within ten feet of a camera. So Hollywood didn't come knocking, and he went ahead and made a movie anyway, called Dark Angel. He shopped this movie around for almost 20 years before Shock-O-Rama picked it up and retitled it Psycho Kickboxer.
Psycho Kickboxer starts life as a cop. His dad is the chief of police. Unfortunately his dad was working on taking down a big mob boss. The problem here is that the mob boss does not want to go to jail. So he decides to teach this family a lesson. He captures psycho kickboxer, his dad, and his fiance. They proceeded to shoot his fathers head off, and then rape his fiance right in front of him. Once they were done raping her, they promptly killed her. Then they left psycho kickboxer for dead.
Bad mistake. He doesn't die obviously, and he gets found in the sewers by an old Vietnam vet who for some strange reason has the ability to train Psycho Kickboxer into a killing machine. We go through all the cliché training montage's, and he eventually becomes a killer and is ready to head out for revenge.
This movie could have been much worse. The plot was a complete retread of a million other action films. This plot has been worn out since the 80's. But nevertheless it was at least coherent. The absurdity of it all made me laugh from time to time. The martial arts moves all made sense, albeit over the top. No, this film isn't too bad actually.
Shock-O-Rama however decided to package this as a double feature, with Canvas of Blood. Now this movie was really bad and I have no idea why they were packaged together. This film starred an up and coming violinist, who needed surgery on her hand. The doctor completely screwed up the surgery, and she could no longer play her beloved violin.
We as is common in our society, she sues the doctor. Unbeknownst to her, everyone is on the take. The Judge, and all the lawyers involved hatched a conspiracy to completely screw her and take her money. So after the trial she is left with no money and no hand. This upsets her father.
Her father then becomes psycho himself, and starts to kill all the people who's wronged his daughter one by one. He does so very creatively, for instance he burns one to death, another one he just slices up with a rotary saw. It's all very gruesome and gory. But the cops start putting two and two together and start chasing him down.
All in all it was completely boring and I wanted it to end. I have never been so glad to see the credits roll. I would give Psycho Kickboxer three tall cans, but only one can to Canvas of Blood. It's a shame that I have to average this disc out at two cans, because Psycho Kickboxer is really more deserving then that. But I wasn't the one who decided to package them together, so blame the marketing gurus at Shock-O-Rama.
Added: Thursday, August 28, 2008
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