Zombie Doom
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I need to seek professional help. All this time I have been living a lie, but now I know the truth. I owe this personal revelation to the movie Zombie Doom (aka Violent Shit 3). This movie made me realize that I am a sick bastard. You really would have to be to be able to sit through this film.

Let’s call this movie by it’s alternate name, Violent Shit 3, for this review. Why? Well the title says it all. It is violent, and it is pure shit. (I can’t say they didn’t warn me.)

Three men sail up to an island. Once on the shore they are attacked by militia men wearing metal hockey masks. They are taken to the base camp where they are tied up to a stake. Here we are introduced to the Muestra. The muestra and his father (think grandpa from Chinsaw Massacre) are the leaders of this rag-tag group. Like all psychotic leaders, he does not take kindly to insubordination. He proves this to his troops, and the three prisoners, by killing a couple men.

Does he shoot them? What about drowning? Oh no fellow Bums. He brings out the hook masters. What are the hook masters exactly? Well, they are masters of a hook attached to a chain. The following scene opens you up to what is in store throughout the whole movie. Soon after the remaining two prisoners (the 3rd got his) are released with a shamed militia soldier to be part of a hide-and-seek to the death.

Does the story matter? No. You’re watching a movie called Violent Shit 3. I seriously doubt that you care about plot.

Now many of you viewers will be turned off 2 seconds into the film. Why? Well, because the quality is bad. I’m talking VHS camcorder bad. On top of that, the movie is dubbed so damn poorly. It sounded, in fact, like it was dubbed by only one person trying to change his voice for each character. This was sooooooooo bad! I had to take a break after 10 minutes into the film, to let my brain settle.

I have a small theory about this film, and filmmakers. I think they set to make the worst movie in history. Let me give you a sample of some of the brilliant dialogue.

Picture this scene in your head now. A man is rolling around fighting a zombie. In this situation he obviously says,

“Get off me man. You’re hurtin’ my balls.”

Now I’ve never been in a heated battle with a zombie, but if I was that is probably exactly what I would say also.

As you can see we are not dealing with an Oscar winning movie here. I have some news for the filmmakers though. I understand that you were shooting for pure all you can eat Indian, infant diaper crap, but you almost failed in this mission.

While majority of the film was shot with a VHS camcorder, there were glimpses of what looked like 8 millimeter. What this does when it switches film, is make some of the scenes look like actual war footage. (Think about the footage from Vietnam.) Why this works is because even though the film is the epitome of low class cheesiness, this gives these scenes a sort of class.

I was also very impressed with the direction at times. This did not last though. It was almost like the director realized the good work he was doing, and snapped out of the professionalism.

“We’re making crap he people!”

Blah, blah, blah. I know what you’re thinking. “So what Rufus. Tell us about the violent shit!”

Well, let me give you an appetizer. Hook in the butt, foot through the chest, heads getting cut in half, faces getting crushed, faces getting torn off, ninjas, naked women, stop motion action figures, kung-fu, boob biting, suffocation by entrails, and a flying guillotine to only name a few.

This is where I have come to terms with my sickness. I had a blast watching this movie. I was laughing my ass off throughout the whole movie. While this movie is sick, vile, twisted, low budget, god awful and almost unbearable to watch, it also is something that must be seen to be believed. This movie is not for everyone. In fact this movie will not work for 99.9% if the viewers out there. Only the sick few will have fun with this. Luckily I’m in that .1% of the viewers that got a kick out of this.

Like a car wreck you can’t look away.

This is exploitation in its finest. It is like Cannibal Holocaust, but a lower budget. This gets 2 ½ for some of the sickest, twisted gore around, and also being the most unbelievably horrendous movie I have ever seen. Congrats!!!

Added:  Friday, June 17, 2005

Related Link:  Rufus says get this now, from Shock-O-Rama!!
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