Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, The
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Are you ready for the action blockbuster of the summer?!? Me too!!! So while you're at "Batman", pick the kids up some tickets to this mess.

I wasn't expecting a lot from Sharkboy, I mean, it is a kid's movie, so I wasn't disappointed when I didn't get a lot out of it.

The hype machine says that the movie's based on the stories of Racer, the young son of Director Robert Rodriguez. True? Possibly. It could also be a case of blaming the dog when the room suddenly stinks.

Whoever wrote it spends WAY too much time playing video games and should maybe lay off watching "The Wizard of Oz" for a while. The premise of the film is a patchwork of other plots, but I'll try to give you the rundown. The more I thought about it, the stupider it got and I felt:

In the real (2D) world, Max is a sad little boy who escapes bullies and his parents' pending divorce by dreaming up stories about Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Their (3D) world is in danger, so they take Max to their planet to save the day.

You see...there's a giant Mexican forcing kids to eat junk food and ride roller coasters all day. The horror...the horror. It's up to Max, with help from Sharkboy and Lavagirl to save all the dreams before they're sucked into a giant bed. Don't bother re-reading that...it still doesn't make any sense to me either.

Instead of adding a small element of fun, the 3D effects made everything drab and gray. It was like watching a live action View-Master. It doesn't even resemble the colorful scenes in the ads. The special effects were decent, but with the 3D wash, I'm sure a lot was lost. This would have been at least a good looking movie in 2D (which might not be a bad option for a DVD release).

The whole movie also seems like a giant marketing ploy. The scenes flowed like levels in a video game (all they need to do is add a health meter in the corner of the screen) and the characters were all action figures waiting to happen.

I absolutely cannot recommend this to adults. The kids in the theater enjoyed it, so it does appeal to its target market. I would have enjoyed an adult joke now and again, like most decent kids’ movies are able to sneak in, but all I got was a “Freud for Dummies” seminar:

Two imaginary characters created from one mind. One is assertive, violent and believes himself to be King of the ocean. The other is quiet, unsure of herself, and is constantly asking “who am I?” Honestly, you throw in a sex dream about Max’s mom, and you’ve got yourself Psych 101. Actually, since Kristin Davis plays his mom, maybe that’s not a bad idea.

Unless your AC is on the fritz, or you have to entertain a bunch of kids for 2 hours, stay away from this. Do something more entertaining like counting how many leg hairs you can pull off your thigh with a square of duct tape. The storyline killed a potentially decent movie.

I’ll go with 2 cans, only because it was short enough that I didn’t run out of popcorn, George Lopez came dangerously close to being funny once or twice, and I got some sweet purple glasses to wear to the clubs.

Added:  Saturday, June 18, 2005

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