Cold Blonded Murders/Irish Whiskey
 Rufus  rates it:    Community rates it:
   220 of 435 readers found this review helpful.

I would first like to give a thanks to SV Bell, and everyone else with SVBI Films for sending us a free copy of this film. Looking at my scathing past reviews SV Bell must either believe very strongly in his films, or be a sadist. This review could be a reaming that would make the Marquis De Sade smack himself with envy. Just because I get sent free movies (which rocks), I'm still going to be objective. Even though our Bumschick stars in one of the short stories, it does not mean I will use kid gloves folks. This is Hollywood, fellow Bums, and Hollywood's a nut stomping mistress with spiked heels. With a tall chilled glass of Lager, I sat down to see what I was getting into.

Cold Blonded Murders: The movie opens with a disk jockey giving the news. There's some unsolved murders going on in Canada. Got it. We then cut to Chad and Abby. Chad (Mike Gingold), and Abby (Isabelle Stephen) have a new hot neighbor. Right away you see she's a little odd. Eavesdropping on her neighbors, stabbing a man to death, who’s tied up in her tub: you know a little odd.

The story is good, if not unoriginal. Obviously it is not deep (clocking in at under 20 minutes), but Isabelle Stephen does a good job with the time constraint. The one flaw, and I can't believe I am saying this, is the attempt at a lesbianism scene. Abby gets in a fight with Chad, who storms out. Abby then is consoled by the neighbor, only to strip down to her underwear after one sip of wine. Where were women like this when I was single? This just throws a wrench into the story. Like many no budget movies, the acting is really bad. Instead of trying to critique on pass-ability, or who was just bad and who was awful, maybe I should just give a disclaimer.

*** Disclaimer- Do not watch these movies for the acting. This is on the level of a bad 70's porn. ***

There, that's better. Going into a no budget movie like this, you know the acting will be bad. Like all films like this though, that is somewhat the charm. For such a low budget short the FX are impressive, minus the retractable Halloween party knife. It is not over the top for you gore hounds out there, but it is just right. With the background score, and EC Comics stab scenes (complete with red tinted screen) Cold Blonded Murders has a real Creepshow feel to it. After watching this short, I looked forward to what SV had in store for me next.

Unfortunately what was next was Irish Whisky. I was not a fan of this short at all. While Cold Blonded Murders had a fun comic feel to it, Irish Whisky felt more like Poe. I should also point out not a very good Poe. The story is based on a novel by Jean Ray. I have never read the book, but my thought is condensing any novel to a 20 minute short cannot be done. If anything Irish Whisky proves that. This is a ghost story about a greedy man finding himself on the receiving end of a vengeful ghost. While some scenes were stylized, and the makeup and FX were great, 20 minutes is not enough time to establish the characters, or story. Cold Blonded Murders did not have that much of a story, or characters for that matter, but it really did not need to in that short. It was straightforward. This however needed to be stretched out. A ghost story on this level needed roughly 20 more minutes added on for story.

Another problem was the sound. According to the DVD extras, the sound was damaged during filming, and needed to be redubbed. I just could not look past that. It really detracted from the film, and felt like watching a Sergio Leone film. (Where's my film geeks out there?)

Overall, this was a very impressive collection. I believe the fault was in combining the two shorts on the same disk. One is campy, and fast paced, and the other is dreary and slow. After having such a great time on the first one, I was just surprised by the screeching halt of the second short. I know I keep pointing out the fact that this is a no budget film, and it shows. I just want the Bums out there to know this is not an insult. SV Bell, and everyone at SVBI are not trying to hide this. They know how much these cost, and so do the actors who stared in it for only a free lunch, and a case of Labatts. What they do is work with what they have, and make the best out of it. The fun of watching these types of films are seeing how the director, FX team and actors gets around this fact. Surprisingly, they get around this setback quite well. SV Bell definitely knows what he is doing as a director. He puts his style into every camera angle, and succeeds at making a throwback to the campy 60s movies that we all love. This movie is definitely not for everyone however. While the FX are well above what I was expecting at this budget, some people just cannot look past the low low cost. That right there is just too bad. My mom used to always say that underneath that hairy, ugly ass fat chick, lies a wonderful personality. While I'm too shallow of a man to ever test that theory out, it is a nice metaphor for this film.

Added:  Saturday, April 09, 2005

Related Link:  www.svbell.com
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