Zombie Nation
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Never before has a director so inspired me to hunt down his other works. It wasn’t out of respect for his craft either – more like a curious obsession. I was on a quest to find a Ulli Lommel movie that didn’t suck so bad it angered me that he continues to get paid to write and direct.

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to quest very long. Some kind soul emailed me and recommended I check out “Zombie Nation” – his latest flick. It was only 82 minutes long – so even if it was as bad a his previous movies I had seen (Green River Killer & Black Dahlia) at least I wouldn’t lose an entire hour and a half of my life.

“Zombie Nation” was not as bad as the other two films listed above. It was far from good though. To put it in context, let’s say for breakfast and lunch you eat really fresh cat poop (from a cat that’s fed canned food too). Then for dinner you’re served topsoil. Now, normally topsoil isn’t that good (trust me on this one) but after your previous two meals, it’s a step up.

The box art on ZN is very deceiving, and now that I think about it, even the name was a lie:

Zombie = black eye makeup
Nation = 5 chicks

One pleasant change from previous Lommel films I’ve suffered through was the lack of all the post production MTV looking editing. This bounced from film to digital and back like any other crappy flick, but without all the extra garbage thrown on top of it. The editing still sucked, but at least it was viewable.

There’s a story here, just not much of one. It was horribly laid out and made no sense. It’s almost as if the actors had to ad lib when someone says “but what about this and this?” It’s like the kind of tale you’d expect to hear when a 9 year old is caught doing something bad and they try to lie their way out of it. The BS keeps stacking up deeper and deeper until it’s completely illogical. There’s a cop murdering women because his mom abused him, a bunch of other moronic cops who can’t figure out why a bunch of women are missing, some voodoo priestesses dolled up like backup singers for Paul Simon on the Graceland tour, and 5 victims back from the dead who look and act just like living women but with black eyes (did the ALL burn the potroast the same night?)

I’m still not close to recommending you rent this flick, but I’m a heck of a lot closer compared to Mr. Lommel’s previous excursions into my DVD player. There was nothing in it really that made it worthwhile, but at least this time I can honestly say it IS better than a sharp stick in the eye. Maybe with a bigger budget, more time, and at least one person to say “um, dude, that’s stupid, can we try something else” future “Zombie Nation” films would be worth your time – but for now, let somebody else get sucked in by the sweet packaging. Hell, if you’re in the ‘z’ section at Blockbuster, there’s a ton of better movies you could watch instead. Since I’ve experienced how bad a movie can really be, I’ll give this a full can out of 5. Not quite safe for human consumption, but it won’t scar you for life.

Added:  Thursday, October 26, 2006
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