Zombies Gone Wild
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I watch a lot of dumb movies. Not only does it go with the territory, but years before the inception of BumsCorner.com, I enjoyed the cinema de stupid. Movies that were so bad they transcended their badness and became funny were some of my favorites. A couple of examples that come to mind are “Love At Stake” and “Ninja Academy”. Late night HBO fare that’s perfect for the beer addled skull.


With this in mind, I come to you not as some highbrow critic typing away in his leather chair, stopping periodically to puff at his pipe and stroke his well groomed beard with his manicured fingers. Nay, I’m a critic from the trenches. I like a good bad movie. “Zombies Gone Wild” is not a good bad movie. It just plain sucked.


And not just the normal “I couldn’t get into the characters” or “Spike Lee isn’t hip anymore” sucking either. This is that “clutching the DVD until your knuckles turn white because you realize you’ve wasted 90 precious minutes and having nothing to show for it” kind of suckage.


The writer/director, known only as G.R., has left me empty. If I wasn’t so confused by the ending I would have curled up in the shower and wept for a while.


Ever sit at a table with 3 casual acquaintances who’ve known each other for years? All they have to say is “remember Johnson’s grape jelly shirt?” and they all start laughing like brain-damaged hyenas, leaving you to discern what the hell’s going on? That’s how I felt watching ZGW. It was like a series of inside jokes that only a few people would get, and the rest of us think are stupid.


Here’s the skinny – 3 friends; Randy, Marty and LeRoy head out for spring break looking to get laid. They end up in a town overrun by zombies. Oh wait, there are some fart jokes too.


The script sounds like it was hashed out while the film was rolling. There’s no way anything that dumb was written down. Lines were stomped on, and repeated over and over again until they got a response. Scenes seemed out of order (again, if some of this was supposed to be funny on some level, you lost me G.R.) and the ending was the worst copout I’ve seen in years.


I thought I was in for some funniness when Randy called a deaf mute hottie “retarded”, but as he continuously repeated it throughout the conversation, the moment was lost.


Oh, and if you’re going to hog up such a great name as “Zombies Gone Wild” – have at least ONE zombie go wild! This type of film begs for senseless violence and nudity, and got nary a nip-slip. Come on! If you’re not going to write, edit or act a decent film, at least get some skin on the screen!


With only 3 months into 2007, this is a heavy contender for my ‘worst of the year’ award already. Normally with a film this bad I’d ask reviewers that gave it a good score to write me so we could discuss it – but anyone who praises this either has a relative in it (again, if I was privy to these inside jokes I might feel differently), a moron, or an ass-kissing hack who’d give a good rating to anything free. Instead, I implore someone directly involved in this film to write me at scraps@bumscorner.com so we can talk this mess through.


You owe me 90 minutes anyways.


½ can out of 5. And I’ll box your ears if I find out you rented this just to prove me wrong.

Added:  Wednesday, March 21, 2007
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