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Bum Interviews:
The Ethan Dettenmaier Interview, Redux | Scraps and Ethan spend some time chatting about Ethan's upcoming movie "Sin-Jin Smyth", and the finer points of red carpet etiquette.
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It's bitterly cold at BumsCorner headquarters. Scraps throws another pile of Entertainment Weekly on the oil drum, and rubs his hands about the warmth that it provides. He scans the office foyer one more time, making sure everything is in order for his guest. The beer is cold, the room is warm, and there's plenty of blunt instruments hidden in the room, just in case things get out of hand.
Suddenly, there's a quick, booming knock on the door. Without a moment to respond, the door opens quickly, and in saunters Ethan Dettenmeier, the writer/director/head badass of the upcoming flick "Sin-Jin Smyth".
ETHAN: Hello...
SCRAPS: Hey man. Thanks for stopping by-
ETHAN: Thank you...
SCRAPS: It's kind of crowded in here right now, and being a gentleman, I'll offer you the comfy seat and I'll prop myself up here on the cooler, after getting round one out of the ice of course. So, it's been a while since we checked in, how's the movie shaping up?
ETHAN: Good! (Opens a beer, puts another one in his pocket) Thanks to some hard working professionals on the crew, things are shaping up alright...
SCRAPS: Have the marketing gurus come to roost yet? Any word on action figures or video games? You know, I laid down some preliminary tracks as Alex P. Keaton in the video game version of "Family Ties"…I might help out.
ETHAN: (laughs) Family fuckin' ties.... we need some tracks...And yes, the marketing is beginning to kick in---Action figures are a part of it but I gotta admit...these are pretty bad-ass!!! One even has a noose around his neck!!!
SCRAPS: I love action figures myself! Maybe my new Roddy Piper can take on my kilted warrior from the WWF days. But on a more serious note, in one of your recent press releases, the word "sequel" was thrown around. Is this part of the hype machine, or is II in the works?
ETHAN: The 'Evil Empire' wants to put 2 in the works (and there is even talks of a 3rd) but I'd prefer to finish ONE before they put this in the Sequel Hall Of Fame...So right now it's nothing more than a blue print that's set against The Apocalypse! Sin-jin Smyth And The Cowboys From Hell!!!
SCRAPS: Sounds, um, evil. It should be obvious by now with all the coverage we've had on the site, but we're really gunning for this project to be a success-
ETHAN: And I want to thank you for that....remember, I come from a very small-time, blue-collar background, and the support from you and all the 'Bums' in your 'Corner' is...pretty special and it means a lot...Especially when the system wants to turn you into a fuckin-voodoo-doll-puppet!!!(Deep exhale) Fascists!
SCRAPS: That beats the hell out of being an inflatable love-love doll in my book. Let's just say that this is a huge hit, and an offer comes up to make a TV show based on your characters. First, do you foresee the ability in yourself to let someone else write & direct in the world you created, and second, who could you see cast in the SJS TV show?
ETHAN: That's a good question. In theory, NO, I would want to supervise the story development...But I may be busy doing SCRAPS: THE MOTION PICTURE in which case, who can say...
SCRAPS: Shit yeah! I've been pimping a movie based on my life for years now! I'm thinking either Drew Carey in some makeup, or Animal from the Muppets to play me on the big screen.
ETHAN: Let's book Animal...and make it in 3D no less! But if I was to quickly pick a cast for the TV show of SIN-JIN SMYTH, it would be the guys I got...Piper and Tyson.
SCRAPS: Speaking of casts, you're reeling in some really big names for this film. Are these actors that you conceived playing in the film, or are bigger names becoming available as you get deeper into the project?
ETHAN: This is the crew we wanted...
SCRAPS: One thing I've loved since day one that I heard about the project is your attitude towards the industry, and the desire to make a movie YOUR way. Do you think it would be okay to have a standing invitation that if we ever hear you sold out, to hunt you down and beat you with a sock full of wood screws?
ETHAN: (Laughs) This is MY kind of interview...If you're gonna kick someone into the street and beat him...screws would be good!!! So yeah...
SCRAPS: Integrity means a lot to us. Ha! I almost shot beer out my nose on that one! Okay, let's flash forward to winter '06. SJS is up for 3 Oscars. You just did your obligatory 15 second interview/soundbyte for BumsCornerTV (we can dream too) when---
ETHAN: ---That's OK 'cause you'll be at the bash afterwards...
SCRAPS: But of course, a party isn't a party without Scraps. Suddenly you're cornered by Joan and Melissa Rivers---
ETHAN: (Disappointed) Are you fuckin' serious? (Confused) And I stop?
SCRAPS: Yes, you stop. During one of Joan's surgeries, she had a hypnotic eye installed. You can't help but stop. And Melissa, she's great to watch on mute. Easy on the eyes, hard on the ears Tell all the E! viewers what you're wearing to such a gala affair?
ETHAN: A tux...(shrugs) sorry. But I'd much rather talk the Bums than Joan Rivers...does that help any?
SCRAPS: Makes perfect sense to me. Alright, tell me which was creepier: Urban Legend, Urban Cowboy, or Midnight Cowboy?
ETHAN: All of the above...
SCRAPS: Is your version of the Devil more human, or more animal, or something completely different?
ETHAN: I like to think we came up with something different but it's best not to discuss the details at this time...
SCRAPS: Bah! More secrets! There are several things that I like to see in horror flicks; big scares, creepy-ass scenery, jump out of my seat action, fire, chicks, and special effects that'll keep me sleepless for weeks. Which of these will Sin-Jin Smyth deliver for me?
ETHAN: All of it man! All of it!!! Plus the fact that the story is ROUND ONE of the APOCALYPSE...Thank you....it's been a real privilege to talk to you...
SCRAPS: Always dude. You're welcome any time. Tell all the crew over at SJS a big 'hey' from us at BC, and we look forward to checking this beast out. Rufus should be back soon with some hot dogs, we're grilling on the "heater" tonight and having a Neve Campbell marathon-
ETHAN: Neve Campbell huh.
SCRAPS: You game?
ETHAN: No thanks. |
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Updated Sunday, February 19, 2006 Written by Scraps | :
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